This month: Driving
Driving in Thailand can be hard.... but when you don't have a clue what the hell anyone is talking about, it can be downright dangerous.
Thai 'navigators' are likely to tell you to make a left turn 3 seconds before you have to, and whilst driving at 100kph. This is normally amongst scores of other road jokers, cheerily pulling off moves that would make Mad Max cry like a little girl.
Shouted orders from the backseat are common. Although it may be pleasant to have no idea that your mother-in-law is telling everyone else in the car that you are an irresponsible maniac, knowledge is power, and any grasp on Thai driving lingo is a bonus.
A driver farang in Thailand normally has to make a transition, one from driving somewhere 'normal,' with 'normal' road regulations, to driving in a country where road regulations are 'a bit of a laugh.'
As Darwin said: 'it's evolve or die. Baby'.
So here are a few handy words and common phrases that can assist in your understanding, and possibly help you to survive the road in Thailand.
DONG BAI - Straight on
LIL SII - Turn left
LIL QWAH - Turn right
JIT SII - Keep left
JIT QWAH - Keep right
YUT RODT - Stop the car
CAB RODT - Drive the car
CHAH LUNG NOI - Slow down
LIL KUN EEEK - Speed up
DUM LUAT U KANG NA - Police ahead
POM MAI DAI TAM ARAI PIT - I did nothing wrong!
POM HI SAM LOY BAHT - Here is 300 baht
BLOY HI POM BAI TURK KUB - Can I go now
AO BUTT I HEAD - Accident
RODT TID MARG - Heavy traffic
DOD NI ROT MAI - Did you fart in the car?
KRII DOD NI ROT MAI - Who farted in the car?
BIRD KRA JOK - Open the window
KON KAB ROD GRUM LUNG BAH - The driver is a maniac (usually heard from the backseat)
Here we are again, it's time to lead you all astray and infect you with my bad Thai language skills.
I'm a little nervous as I know lots of people who are a lot better at speaking Thai than myself may read these posts, Catherine at Women Learn Thai springs to mind; as I mentioned in my last language post, I have no idea what I'm doing, and cannot re-learn things. That's my disclaimer, you've been warned.
I've only managed to master some basics, although I am getting a little more confident. I must be one hell of a dull conversation though (does constantly asking someone if they want a cup of tea, and if it tastes nice, constitute a conversation in Thai?)
These posts are just a little round up of the words / expressions that I've manged to pick up thus far.
The Pirate drinks list essential
• CHA - TEA (easy to remember, cup of cha)
• GAFFAIR - COFFEE (do they sound similar? a bit? no?)
• NOM - MILK (nom, er.... french word for name?......dunno)
• NAM - WATER (easy)
• SOM - AN ORANGE (easy)
• NAM-SOM - ORANGE JUICE (makes sense)
• BEEAAH - LAGER (Beer, but with more -AHH)
• SPRIIIIII - SPRITE (Sprite, but with no -T, and more IIIIIIII)
• PEPSIEEEEE - PEPSI (Pepsi, but with more -EEEEEEE)
(these above 3 may seem unnecessary, but, if you ask for a beer / sprite / pepsi the normal way, most Thai's won't have a clue what you're on about)
The Pirate container essentials
• GEL - CUP (GEL does for all, mug, cup, glass etc, and sounds like Sarah Michelle GELLar, not hair gel)
• QUWARD - BOTTLE (bit like -sword, but with a Q)
The Pirate ordering phrases - essentials
• CHA NEUNG GEL KUB/KA - TEA ONE CUP TA
• PEPSIEEE NEUNG QUWARD KUB/KA - BOTTLE ONE PEPSI TA
• SPRIIII SAM QUWARD KUB/KA - BOTTLE THREE SPRITE TA
• BEEEAH ZIP QUWARD KUB/KA - BOTTLE TEN BEER TA
OK, everyone moans that Thai is a difficult language to learn.
They always bang on in their little whingeing, through their nose voices 'Thai words are funny' and 'the different tones are really hard' and 'they don't use the same grammar structure as us' etc etc whinge whinge whinge.
But they are correct. I mean, you try and say the Thai word for 'money,'
- Nngeuen.
OK when you say it you think you sound OK, right, but now try saying it to a Thai....... 'nnnguen.' They will look at you in utter disappointment and / or astonishment, like you're a terminal thickie, enough to knock the wind out of your language learning sails, for a while, or for good.
The trick someone (tried) teaching me recently for words like 'nnguen' is; if you say the word 'ring', but you take off the 'ri' part and carrying on saying the ...ng' part, that is the way to start to say such words in Thai.
Again, sounds easy, in practice, it ain't.
Try it.... Nnguen.......... nnguen......... nnguen........
You end up sounding like a deaf dumb suicide case, asking for somebody to blow your brains out with a nn-gun...... 'nnguen..... nnguen....... nnguen'.
It's very hard.
So, I've had enough, I'm taking on this farang problem. You want to learn Thai? Learn the Thai Pirate way. The Thai Pirate's Top Ten Thai Words of the month, and how to remember them!
The Thai Pirates Top Ten Words of the Month this month are as follows (and in no order of importance or cohesion)
• POM - I (..think like an Aussie)
• JAK RIEN - Bicycle (..think Tom Clancy Novels JACK RYAN)
• OW - I want / I will take (..I will cause you pain if you don't give this to me. OW!)
• CHOP - I like (..Pork Chops, mmmmmm)
• KID WAH - I think (.......er..............kid waa?)
• ERRRR - I agree (...Errrr.....I do agree, don't I?)
• LA GORE - And then (..and then, AL GORE said......)
• CAB ROT - To drive a car (..my.. that is some interesting 'cab rot', I should have driven)
• ROT - Car (..easy to remember if your car IS rotten)
• LUGBY - Rugby (Just remember that all the Thai words above, substitute R for L subtley, or don't, it won't matter because the Thai's won't understand you anyway).
That concludes this month's lesson...........Speaking the Thai language. Done. (note. If I have got any of the above wrong, no point in telling me, they are committed to memory now, and I am unable to 'unlearn' things and re-learn, a vital survival skill required when speaking other languages, if in doubt, just keep saying it).
