The Thai Pirate - Thai Blog and Travel Stories

What DO Thai's have for breakfast?

Some regular Thai bloggers and readers will recognize this popular title. What do Thai's eat for breakfast?

In my experience, whatever's going.

Everything from corn flakes to chicken fried rice to tom yam gai. I've eaten them all as the rooster crows. Odd at first, but, easy to adapt to, especially if you're fat falang.

In fact, Thailand has probably destroyed any habits of food etiquette I may have held before my time here. I'm quite happy to eat mine (and missus) dessert before main course, join others in gobbing food out onto the plate when its a bone or is generally indigestable, plus all that reaching across tables means I'm used to spraying rice everywhere.

One of my favourite breakfast dishes is the 'kow moo deng' that I adore (pork with egg and rice and sweet sauce). The other day, on the way to Bangkok I had a pork curry, with fried egg. It has become my staple 'going to Bangkok' breakfast (above).

With all the things I've heard over the years, I've started to worry that my daily average intake of three fried eggs a day might be leading me up the yellow bricked arterial road, so I thought I'd best check to see if my concerns were warranted. 

According to a great little site called www.myfitnesspal.com, a normal, Thai sized pork curry roughly works out at:

- 5 grams carbs
- 16 grams protein
- 44 grams fat
- 480 calories

Wheras, a man size bowl of crunchie nut cornflakes, with semi skimmed comes in at:

- 31 grams carbs
- 6 grams protein
- 4 grams fat
- 178 calories

So basically, the curry has loads more calories, loads more fat, but far less carbs, and far more protein. So, on the surface, the corn flakes look to be the healthier start to the day, in terms of calorie content, and grams of fat...

But hold on.... what about when that bowl of cereal doesn't fill you up? and you opted for a cheeky cadburys fruit & nut chocolate bar from the office vending machine, to supplement your oh-so-healthy Western brekkie... what would be the calorie scores then?

Fruit & Nut Milk chocolate bar (42grams)

- 25 grams carbs (56g total combined with corn flakes)
- 6 grams protein (12g total)
- 4 grams fat (8g total)
- 220 calories (398 total)

So really, a pork curry is not that far different from a bowl of corn flakes and a choc bar is it?....

What about a Bacon McMuffin for breakfast?

- 29 grams carbs
- 16 grams protein
- 14 grams fat
- 310 calories 

OK, enough of diggin myself into a hole here, curry looks to be a pretty unhealthy choice for breakfast... But getting up to the dreaded tesco's to get hold of a packet of frosties every damn week is a royal pain, so, curry is what the fat falang eats for brekkie.

... and for those of you still reading who are looking for some kind of thoughtful conclusion to this post, I took a cross-sectional survey of local Thai folk in SB, and I asked them what they had for breakfast...

The answer everytime?

Rice.

Useless.

A British Baby in Thailand

I have a nipper on the way.

Being British myself, that automatically means kiddie will be British. As long as one of the two parents is British, the nationality transfers (and as long as you register the birth with the British embassy).

It actually looks like the process is more straightforward than I supposed.

Basically, when kiddie decides to make an appearence, he/she automatically get assigned a Thai birth certificate from your local Thai district office.

Once you have your hands on one of those, all you need to do is get x 2 passport photos of kiddie (one counter signed), plus the following originals (plus 1 photocopy)

- Both parents birth certificates
- Marriage certificate (if you have one)
- Parents passports
- Birth registration form
- C2 passport application form

Plus 10,000 Baht fee, you're all done.

The fee works out that for approx 5,000 Baht he gets registered as a British citizen in Thailand and UK, and so he'll get assigned a British birth certificate, plus, the other 5,000 Baht goes towards him getting his first British passport, valid for 5 years.

On paper, this all sounds a bit too straightforward... haha.

All the info is on the UK in Thailand site here.

Pattaya People TV - Odd but Entertaining....

Pattaya People TV has to be the funniest TV station in South East Asia. As a self confessed lover of crap television, Pattaya People TV is the perfect format for when I visit the area on the odd blue moon... Watching the cheesy advertorials, bad production and general naffness are a real treat for a crap tv addict like me, I wouldn't have it any other way.

The channel is mainly habited by lots of white haired expats, promoting their various nooks and businesses, performing bad interviews, in cross dialects, and giving endless explanations of how and where to find their respective plots. These are interlaced with smallish Thai language sections, Pattaya TV uncut 'challenges', which range from weird to outright bizaare, plus, a never ending cheese board of gory news items about the various drug-dealing, shop lifting, street-shooting, car-crashing antics that carry on in day-to-day life in Pattaya.

The advert sections are a winner for all crap tv addicts (although even I tire of the constant repeats)... mostly created by the in-house production team at Pattaya People, the ads all have a similar feel, sound, format, and nearly always include the business owners themselves, yapping on about whatever it is they do...... but, far from being a bad thing, this honesty often gives a real insight into the character of many of these businesses.... and what is going down in Pattaya in general.. I once visited a restaurant because of an advert on Pattaya People, the guy came across well, and we all had a nice meal to boot.

But the existance of Pattaya People TV underlines what an odd and confusing place Pattaya is. Expats have been able to carve out a fairly substantial piece of the action, seemingly independent from the local general population, some might say 'taking over'. As far as I'm aware, most of the local Thai's don't seem to mind, indeed I'm sure many welcome some of the opportunities which arise.. But I can't imagine anywhere else in the world that has a TV station broadcasting in a foreign language to a foreign population at it's heart... Although surely there are other examples? Or could this be another 'only in Thailand' moment?

Underneath the surface, past all the staged sanook, drunken holiday japes and bi-cultural awkwardness, the daily news reports on Pattaya People are a cold and harsh reminder of some of the real ongoing tragedies that occur ... I watched a report about a Thai girl in her late twenties who hung herself in her tiny tin-shack of an apartment. Her husband was a motorcycle taxi driver, returning after a long day to find her body. Nothing was left for the imagination, the images were on film for all to see. Apparently, this girl was so depressed because of lack of money, she hung herself right there in that miserable apartment. How bloody awful.

And then following on, we have two cheesy beer-bar adverts, actresses with etched smiles, badly chereographed dancing, and glazed eyes..... it all makes you wonder...

Strange place.

I leave you with a typical example of Pattaya TV uncut 'challenge'. The presenter, Mick, a right cock-a-ney geezer, challenges a couple of holiday makers to a drinking contest at a new beer bar thats just opened in town... Think David Brent meets Danny Dyer ....

Cringe TV. I love it.

Thailand, the Land of Smiles....... And Death!

A jovial look at ways to snuff it in Thailand.

C

Cake
Thai cake can be the icing on top of what can be a pretty awful diet. Many a falang talk of the Thai diet as a healthy one, which it often is, yet, day to day, much of it is fried, re-fried and deep fried again, and the Thai love of all things sweet can lead to little bodies being sadled with large bellies and big asses. Take a long time to kill you though, cake, and tastes good.

 
Chance of fatality - 3/100

Cancer
There seems to be a hell-of-a-lot of Thai cancer about.... The ugly network of overhead cable lines, dependancy on mobile communication, and a general mai pen arai regard for pollution may or may not have something to do with it... without change, future Thai cancer rates probably look set to increase, sadly.

Chance of fatality - 4

Car Accident
A big and nasty cause of misery throughout the Kingdom. A common scenario, amongst both the Thai AND falang - a general lack of road discipline amongst both parties whilst in LOS is renowned. As a dreamy, tropical holiday destination, the Thai roads can lead to every tourists worst nightmare. Driving on Thai roads should be approached with extreme caution, particularly around holiday periods, and especially in areas of high alcohol consumption. Don't hire a motorbike...... just don't.

Chance of fatality - 10/100

Cheese
Good quality cheese is so rare that it is discussed at length around farang campfires. Non dangerous due to its rarity, although prolonged discussions can cause nostalgia and general home sickery.

Chance of fatality - 0.5/100

Chilli
The flavour of Thailand, the hot stuff, generally, never eaten in fatal quantities, but avoid the kitchen when being cooked as can lead to nasty bout of chilli sneezing ...

Chance of fatality - 0.5/100

Cholera
Scary, but very rare, only sometimes surfacing in the odd rural area. Oral vaccinations are widely available, although as a rule only needed by those most at risk.

Chance of fatality - 2/100

Cigarette
Fags are very cheap in Thailand, but cigarette advertising has been banned on Thai TV for years... actors /actresses who smoke in films are blurred. Cigarette packets are decorated with various gory images of diseased internal organs, and kids breathing fumes.... Pack it in!

Chance of fatality - 11/100

Cobra
Despite what you've heard, cobras aren't dangerous! Just watch this township in Northern Thailand if you don't believe me. Yeeeah, just your friendly, cuddly, cobra... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsi7Yq1Eb_4

Chance of fatality - 5/100

Cocaine
Cocaine use is on the rise in Thailand, as it apparently is always and everywhere ... available in hot spots, swanky clubs, bars and dark alleyways.. It is mainly brought into Thailand via the postal system, or by 'mules' who swallow large quantities and then shat them out once they get through customs.... Sums it up, really. If caught with it, a loooong jail term is in order, which in Thailand,  may make you wish you were dead.

Chance of fatality - 3/100

Coconut
Tropical Thailand is full of tall palm trees, many laden with rather large, heavy coconuts. Gravity always wins the tug of war, eventually, and consequently coconuts fall onto the noggins of unsuspecting passers by fairly regularly, resulting in head ache, incapacitation, or termination... Can also cause death when thrown by damn pesky monkeys.

Chance of fatality - 8/100

Comet
No problem here, easily solved. Watch this Thai commerical for Comet avoidance demonstation.

Chance of fatality - 4/100

Copper
The infamous Thai cop again. 'Death' wise, not much to worry about, if you behave.. The odd foreign tourist is shot now and again, and this is usually well reported.... As a 'general' rule, don't get hammered, and throw punches at Thai cops (or hang with anyone that does)... They carry guns you know....

Chance of fatality - 1/100

Cotton Bud
These things are a FECKING nightmare. Leave these things in the damn shop, I've had an ear ache for FECKING months now. AVOID!!!!!!! (non-fatal)

Chance of fatality - 0.5/100

Criminal
Prevalent in built up city areas and during global recessions, the bag snatching, pick pocketing, petty thief will break-in and rob all your consumerables.. Lock everything up, twice. Also, if your thing is to dwell in dark lit back alleys, trying to score yaa ba, don't be surprised if you get more than you bargained for...

Chance of fatality - 7/100

Crocodile
Safe if viewed from a bridge 30ft in the air, or cage. Not so safe if you tread on one whilst in the jungle river, or if performing an ill prepared circus act. (Video: In no way am I attempting to make a joke out of this video. Viewer discretion is ADVISED)

Chance of fatality - 4/100

Curse
The superstitious people of Thailand are very mindful of the spirit world.... so mind your P's and Q's around Thai folk ... Dodgy karma is taken very seriously in Thailand, ensure your actions don't offend others, or you may find that bad karma gets a taste for you.

Chance of fatality - 6/100

And the Winner is......

I'm happy to announce that Siam Rick is the poster of the 1,000th comment on the Thai Pirate... (Talen, you were sooooo close!)

Massive thanks to Mr Rick, author of the super Thai blog Behind the Noodle Curtain, and indeed everyone who posts comments now and again on TTP.

So, Rick, what have you won?

As if you haven't guessed from the picture, The Thai Pirate would like to proudly present you with, none other than the flppin' gorgeous Thai pop starlet...........Gybzy.

Gybzy, a.k.a Wanida Termthanaporn, is a very tasty girly from Land of Smiles who became an instant celeb when she hit the pop scene with her all girl band, Girl Berry.

Wise Kwai, over at Wise Kwai's Thai films gives a good overall description of Gybzy, and a recent film she starred in, so if you want to read instead of stare, check it out at Wise Kwai's.

Thanks to Rick and everyone for giving your 2 pennies worth on my little blog.... Rick - a deserved winner, and its a nice fact that your 1000th comment was, as usual, a pretty darn positive one...

So Rick - What are you gonna do with Gybzy?