The Thai Pirate - Thai Blog and Travel Stories

Give a Thai dog a home

Lots of Thai's don't have a lot..... Their priorities are (and have to be) different. Wealth in the West has helped us to have a different view of the dog, we treat them as part of the family (in most cases), they are a responsibility, you have to spend time and sometimes money (sometimes lots) on their well being.

Some Thai's are like this too, but overall, Thailand has a different attitude towards the mutt. For one, theirs is an outdoor life, rather than an indoor one, so many dogs come and go, move from house to house, street to street, many without a direct owner, or an owner that doesn't go out of their way to ensure they are safe and not being a pest.

Thousands of dogs roam wild, and mate, increasing their numbers. Many are hit by cars, fight in the road, get hurt, starve, die from disease etc etc.

Life for a mutt in Thailand can be very tough, and very short.

What is a little weird to me is when Thai's (and expat farang) go out of their way to purchase an exotic dog. You get them at markets, Chat-u-Chat being the culprit that springs to mind. Well pruned tiny pooches line some streets, lying in their baskets gasping for air as their Thai touters attempt to make as much money as possible from them. Many must perish. It's pretty awful.

For any dog-loving farang that read this, who are living or planning to live in Thailand, I would recommend you don't go out of your way to purchase one of these dogs, sad as that in itself may be. You are only creating a market for this type of sale. Instead, I would recommend you go to your nearest temple, who are usually inundated with dogs from my experience. Many Thai's who can't cope with or don't want puppies leave them there. Yes they get fed (occasionally) but the monks will thank you for taking one off their hands, free of charge of course (although a donation would be welcome).

My Thai family here used to buy dogs, but now we always go out of our way to get strays, 'Lucky' being our latest addition (pic above and below).

She is a great dog, and one that would have had a much bleaker future had we not picked her up.

There are quite a few Thai dog sanctuary's around, who I'm sure would welcome any takers and be a great source of information for those interested.

Couple of links here: Soidog (phuket) Care for Dogs (chiang mai) SCAD Bangkok (bangkok)  soi-dog foundation (phuket) volunteer at a dog rescue centre (near phuket) dog aid Thailand (bangkok) dog rescue center (samui) Thai Animal Rescue Centre (sanklaburi) dog rescue center (samui).

On a positive note, I believe I am seeing a small shift in attitudes towards dogs, at least, in the part of Thailand where we live. I definitely don't see as many dead dogs in the road as when I first arrived a year ago...... Perhaps a little Western influence maybe having a positive effect here?

A-Z of ways to expire in Thailand

Welcome to The Thai Pirate's Complete Directory of Interesting Ways to Expire in Thailand. Funny stories welcome, even if false.

A

Aeroplane
Air travel! Safest form of travel. Just don't mention one-two-go.

Chance of fatality - 8/100

Anaconda
A big snake, there are lots in Thailand. But don't worry, kids have baths with them out here! Plus there are lots of Anaconda snake shows, so they must be safe!

Chance of fatality - 5/100

Acupuncture
Aah, the ancient Chinese practice of acupuncture, widely practiced in Thailand for relaxation and pain relief. No reported deaths, ever! Bit weird though.

Chance of fatality - 0.5/100

Agriculture
Responsible for many one limbed Thai labourers, 49% of the countries workforce are employed in some way in agriculture production. Terrifying and dangerous for softy nancy farang who don’t like getting warm.

Chance of fatality - 40/100
Chance of fatality (farang) - 75/100

Alcohol
Bain of the middle aged road user and lazy unemployed Thai, booze is responsible for countless Thai expirations, as well as lots of violence in the homestead. Get drunk, slap the misses and you may wake up as a post-op khatoey. Alcohol causes the recipient to believe they are indestructible, meaning farang are more vulnerable to lots of weird misdemeanours, scams and general deathery.

Chance of fatality - 10/100

Ambulance
Not too much to worry about when in your rear view mirror. Travel far slower than the average Thai road user. Much more dangerous to be in one, or waiting for one.

Chance of fatality - 3/100
If waiting for one - 70/100

Ancestor
The cause of many a Thai soap death, ancestors and other worldly beings are known to materialise and despatch at will. Many Thai's believe in their existence.

Chance of fatality if Thai - 50/100
Chance of fatality if farang- 0.5/100

Animal
Lots of animals in Thailand, and lots of ways to be bitten / infected / crushed. Flee from all.

Chance of fatality - 15/100

Ant
Small and with non-fatal but nasty bite. Don’t let bleeders anywhere near bedroom, or feet at night times. Truly weird ant blog post here.

Chance of fatality - 1/100

Anus
The cause of many farang afflictions and disease, statistically, the anus is perhaps the farang's biggest enjoyment, and worst enemy. Approach with caution.

Chance of fatality - 40/100

Arsenic
A worry to all elder farang species, particularly wealthy ones with young Thai wives.

Chance of fatality - 1/100
Farang (elder) - chance of fatality - 35/100
Farang (elder & wealth) - chance of fatality - 55/100

Ashtray
Favoured weapon of choice by younger, drunken farang. Usually only used in farang on farang crime.
 

Chance of fatality - 3/100

Atomic bomb
Thailand doesn’t own any; and only scuffles with less developed, non-hard countries, who can't afford them either. No worries.

Chance of fatality - 1/100

Attendant
Attendants are caring souls who help direct you into parking spaces pointlessly. Can be grumpy at nighttimes. Will only be provoked to violence if verbally assaulted by farang who quoff at their existence.

Chance of fatality - 9/100

East and West values, and the suicidal 'push'

I got sent this video yesterday by my brother. It was quite timely as I had also been reading Pete at Frogblog's great post on Thai creativity and the differences in East and West values.

Apparently this guy who managed to get up close to the 'suicidal' is a 66 year old ex-Chinese soldier, obviously a no-nonsense kind of a fella, who decides he knows how best to handle the situation. The bridge located in Guangzhou Province in Southern China is constantly taken over by attention seeking jokers who use it to air their various woes; in doing so ruining everybody else's day by stopping traffic (and risking other people's lives I might add).

When I saw the video the Chinese soldier's actions reminded me of that stiff upper lip 'great British spirit' we all know and love. I think it's plain to see that the soldier's intention is not to kill (although that was clearly possible), instead he wanted to push the guy off and into the inflated balloon 8 metres below.

There you go! One suicidal jumper down, problem solved.

I hope the Chinese authorities go easy on him, and it will be interesting to see their verdict now the video has been screened across the world via the Internet. As my brother said in his email; 'he will either be made a national hero, or they will shoot him'.  Referring back to Pete's post, I wonder how the soldier would be treated in the West?

I think the Chinese soldier's actions prove that most us normal joes are all the same underneath (ie we can't stand 'poor me' attention seeking behaviour, and related forms of selfish jokery).

Beware - The Jackfruit bombs

We were sitting peacefully in the office here when all of a sudden there was a huge crash above our heads. Running outside, we found nothing. Whatever it was was still on the roof.

We climbed up and saw this fruit 'boulder' sticking out of a hole the size of a basketball.

Turns out we have a jackfruit tree just beside the office (Thai's call them Kanun); a few of these things have come down in the past but never this big. Turns out that jackfruit is the largest tree borne fruit in the world.

These things grow very large (see the pic and compare to Leo bottle), very heavy, and to top it off, are pretty spiky. I have yet to taste one, although the Thai's do lots of ingenious things with them (nice little jackfruit curry recipe here).

Thai rumour has it that if you have a jackfruit tree in your garden it is good luck...... But not if one falls on your noggin; it would be like being twated by Brian Blessed wielding a huge medieval mace.

So now, whenever I'm having a wander around outside, I have to contend with a) Snakes b) Rabid dogs c) My own general drunkeness (on occassion) and d) Falling jackfruit.

Life on the edge....Beware the jackfruit bombs!

(Pic above: That's where they come from. They can get up quite a bit of velocity between 'up there' and the floor).

How far will 1000 Baht get you?

My turn to cook. I decide I fancy something l'anglais (which is handy, cos I'm frightened at prospect of cooking Thai, especially so when on their home turf). I was heading to town, so thought I would do the Tesco Lotus.

You have to hand it to Tesco. As much as I loathe the idea that they are putting more strain on local business by nicking custom, this mindset doesn't seem to have caught on (anywhere). The place is always packed. Many Thai's love Tesco, I think they see it as a 'fancy' supermarket from abroad, which I spose is half right.

In Thailand I find I have to go now and again to get certain items.

Anyway, this post isn't a Tesco rant. They are obviously doing something extremely well.

I headed to the nearest ATM and got myself a crisp 1000 Baht note (nearly 20 quid, but by the time you add on the bleeding 150 Baht fee you pay, plus, another pound on top charged by your home bank, you're getting on for 25 notes, with a bit of rounding up).

I borrowed brother-in-law's truck, always no diesel, so I generously stuck 200 Baht in to get to town (what a feckin tight arse, I hear you cry!).

Parking is always a pain. Everyone wants to get as close as possible to the front doors, as do I. Getting from your nicely chilled 'air-conned' motor into the sweltering heat can leave you sticky and gasping for air. The heat at the Tesco car park is intensified due to the herds of trolley wielding Thais, and the emissions from the hundreds of cars left ticking over whilst the youngest of the team fetches the goods. On warm days, if you spend too long in the Tesco car park, you can swell up and die. I've heard stories of farang who have spontaneously combusted in Tesco car park before. Should global warming continue to rise, farang will soon need air conned space suits and helmets just to get out of their motors there. Fact. It will be like the scene in Total Recall when Arnie smashes his mask on Mars and his eyes pop out.

We are not there yet. I parked as close as possible and walked briskly to the next source of air con and made it to Tesco; my 800 Baht burning a hole.

Inside, I buy:

4 x Chicken Breasts - 70 Baht
Pork mince (about 400g) - 60 Baht
9 oranges - 60 Baht
12 Toms - 20 Baht
Milk (2L) - 70 Baht
Cheese (200g) - 150 Baht
7 german thai bacon strip things - 90 Baht
3 x red peppers - 70 Baht

Total - 590 Baht (today's exchange rate that's nearly £11)

I worked out what these things would cost roughly in the UK

4 x Chicken Breasts - £4.00
Pork mince (400g) - £2.50
9 oranges - £2.00
12 Toms - £1.20
Milk (4 pints) - £1.50
Cheese (400g) - £3.00
Bacon (get one free1) - £3.00
3 x red peppers - £1.50

Total - £18.70

So, all in, Thailand is cheaper (big gasp of surprise) but actually, big price drops come in only a couple of products (plus don't forget the 4 squid I paid in bank fees).

Fruit and veg in Thailand appears way way cheaper; tomatoes are 1/3 they are in the UK, oranges roughly 50 percent cheaper; red peppers are a surprise, they are actually about the same price in this country? Is that right? Can't they grow them here? Anyone know why? (I don't).

Dairy produce such as milk and cheese are similarly priced; I would go as far to say cheaper in the UK, as Thai cheese is always imported and lower quality and smaller. Milk containers in Thailand go to 2L, 1/2 a pint less than the UK's 4 pinters (22p equiv) making UK and Thai milk exactly the same price......

But the big difference is with the meat portions. 4 chicken breasts are £1.30 in Thailand, £4.00 (many times a lot more) in UK. Big difference. Pork mince is less than half the price of UK mince. Bacon is roughly the same, and I would argue UK bacon is better quality than Thai bacon.

So make of all that what you will. Note that if you buy these items at a local Thai market, you can get them even cheaper, plus, you can haggle 

All in, 1000 baht in Thailand will get you pretty far, it nets you all of the above, plus a generous 4 quid in juice for the car, and I'm left with 210 baht (4 pound) to spend as I like......

What can I do with that I wonder?

Answers on a postcard.

(also, I hear the Tesco 'value' porn range is very reasonable)